Grateful, yet discouraged

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Here is my Dad. He has always inspired me. Isn’t he fabulous? Well my parents anniversary is coming up, and I am grateful! I also have to say a huge thank you to my Dad for loaning me his camera (since ours broke over a month ago!).

I am grateful to have 2 jobs here on the Island as an occupational therapist 1) Mon/Tues temporary at the Child Development Centre in Duncan until Christmas working with 2009 kiddos to get ready for Kindergarten next year, 2) contract with Pivot Point, working with children with autism (so far preschoolers) which I started July 1st and have scheduled as referrals come in.

So far I have made -$220. Yes that is a MINUS sign you see there… I have actually lost $220 while sacrificing the most valuable gift a parent has: time, and using up the most valuable resource: energy. This makes me crazy!

Let me guess… you are asking – HOW did this happen?!?! Well I have been dutifully tallying up every dollar spent on babysitters/daycare (in the order of $2200 including fees already paid for October) and every dollar spent on professional fees, criminal records checks, business cards, loan charges for standardized assessment tools (in the order of $1258) and I have to say part-time work has only given me back just over $3000. Sigh. What a waste.

Sure, I enjoy working. Sure, part of my identity is an OT. Sure, it is rewarding. Sure, I love the adult interaction. But I have to say it does not tip the scales.

I am NOT a fan of walking in the door and having 20 min to throw dinner on the table for my family, and a mere 2 hours with my children before bed (most of which is eaten by bedtime routines…). Not to mention hearing my children sob and feeling them shake as I pass them over in the morning before I head to the office.

I crave yoga, sewing, cooking, even cleaning… I crave the 100% day to day connection with my children. And I cannot describe the exorbitant amount of energy it has taken to get this far with my work life… all for a net loss of $220.

So, today, I am discouraged.

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2 thoughts on “Grateful, yet discouraged

  1. Oh sister!! That IS discouraging. Those “start up” costs will slow down in the weeks and months ahead, and the scales will start to tip (somewhat) into the positive. And only you can know if that is enough to offset the time and ennergy you’re putting in. Glad you’re paying attention to your emotions along the way… They’ll guide you down the right path. Xx.

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